Ah, a new year. It seems when this event rolls around, there are two camps. The resolution makers and those staunchly against them. This year I find myself in a strange place. I have realized, I’m standing between the two.
This is new for me, as I’ve always been on the side of making resolutions. I believe in second chances. I believe in the ability to change. I believe most of us have more control over our lives than we often allow ourselves to believe.
I’ve made a tradition of reflecting on the past year as the new approaches, contemplating what I should strive to do more of, less of, or start anew.
But this year feels different.
If I’m honest, resolutions boil up feelings of anxiety—excitement and trill at the idea of change, but also anxious feelings of “you’re not doing it right and you must seize the opportunity to make it better.”
I find, in this resolution practice, I ponder a more perfect, balanced life. One where I do all the things—well, proficient, and without ever losing my shit. And I look great doing all the things, too.
I conjure in my mind a better version of myself. One who takes hold of life and milks it for every last drop—a person who is doing life right. When I imagine moments of “doing it right” I see myself as happy, smiling, laughing, confident and content.
And this year, as I sit at my desk reflecting, I realize, squeezing every ounce out of life…makes me feel tired—not better.
And what is more awe striking…is the understanding, I don’t need to change anything to be happy, smiling, laughing, confident, and content. All those things are right here, right now, if I choose them.
Shut. The. Front. Door.
I can be happy, smiling, laughing, confident and content, now? In this time of life, in this body, with my skills, abilities, and current level of doing the things?
Yes. All the yeses. Just make the choice. Believe and see all the blessings, which already exist. There are so many things to be happy about, laugh about, so many reasons to be confident and content.
In the name of all good things, that feels…incredible. And not even a little bit tiring.
Just to keep it real, I’ll clarify, there are certainly things I’d like to do more of, less of, and start anew, but this year…
I can appreciate my life is already beautiful—imperfect, messy, sometimes stressful, too much of this and too little of that, unbalanced, always changing—blessedly beautiful.
When the clock strikes twelve, and a new beginning approaches, I will toast…If I’m not already sleeping…and I will smile, and laugh, confident and content to be a part of something already so beautiful.