I am so tired. Nothing sounds better than uninterrupted sleep—not social invites, not television or hobbies…definitely not sex, not even drinks with my fav gals. Nothing trumps sleep right now. Some might argue that if I ate better I’d have more energy. Maybe if I exercised more. Perhaps it’s all related to a hormone imbalance.
No. It is none of these things.
Motherhood is the ultimate equalizer among women. Not that all moms are equal—they’re not. There are super-crappy parents out there, and then there is everyone else. My point is that background, socio-economic status, education, income, race, cultural background, they don’t matter when it comes to the basics of motherhood. When a woman becomes a mother, life becomes exponentially more complicated because her life no longer belongs to her alone. She is now shared in a way that is so uniquely strange and different it is difficult to explain to those who have never experienced it.
I have been a stay-at-home-mom with a toddler and an infant. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom with active elementary aged children and a baby at home. And as of the last two months, I’ve been a full-time working mom with three kids. I’ll tell you this—they are all hard. I have never not been busy in the last decade of my life. Each avenue, each season, has been a worthwhile dedication and a blessing…and it has sucked the life out of me.
I’m so over “mommy wars”—the ridiculous judgment amongst women as to who has it rougher. *Blech*. And I’m officially disgusted by the glorification of busy life. You know what the comparison is for busy? The busy bee! I know you’ve heard it, “What a busy little bee she is!” FYI: Worker bees live for six weeks, bust ass to provide for “the hive” and die a lonely, unnoticed death, before being immediately replaced by another younger generation of worker bees equally proficient at being “busy.” Umhum. Think about that one. There is no award at the finish line for “busiest mom,” and for the record, the really enviable moms are the ones who have managed to mange their by-default busy lives into something manageable. I know, that is a lot of “m”, but I know you feel me on that one.
Let’s table the busy talk and address the fact that all any mom really wants is peaceful, restful, cozy, restorative…elusive…sleep. I mean, how much better would…well, everything…be if moms were taking on the world on a full-tank of recuperative zzz’s. I’m not suggesting this is at the top of the hierarchy of needs. Of course there are other pressing issues that may be of seemingly more immediate importance, depending on each person’s situation. But I will point out; it is in the worst storms of this mom-life when sleep is most needed and also most likely to escape us like a fugitive in the night. (Pun intended.) It is in our nature as moms to put ourselves last on the priority list. Some would argue that this is the way it ought to be—a kind of exemplification of humble servitude. I don’t agree. It is becoming more understood in our culture; it is impossible to fill others from an empty tank.
So as we gear up for our Hallmark holiday of chocolate and roses, and we Americans consider showcasing our love for others in our lives, I make a plea on behalf of all the moms in this world…
She would probably like chocolate. She would probably enjoy flowers. She might blush with pride at new jewelry, and she would likely appreciate a dinner she didn’t have a hand in preparing and won’t have to clean. But I can tell you; she would love a solid 8-10 of solitary confinement—in her bed.
Can you imagine a world of rested moms? I can…and it’s f***king glorious.