So this (6th) post was never supposed to happen. Because real life is like a Disney movie and that means forever is all happily ever after and shit.
Right. (Well, the four letter word part is accurate, anyway.)
My very first Whole30 ended on October 20th. And as you may have read, I felt fan-freaking-tastic when it was finished. I did. I really really did. And for another ten days that euphoria continued. Then…life happened.
I went on a hunting trip. I attended a wickedly fun birthday party for a close friend. Halloween happened.
I told myself November 1st would signal my return to Whole30 habits. And it did…for two days.
I have spent the last ten days in a kind of rebellious carbohydrate, sugar and alcohol induced frenzy. I think it is mostly motivated by my own disappointment that after 30 days of 100% squeaky clean eating my hives didn’t disappear. In my rational mind, I know the damage to my immune system, which is likely extensive and the underlying systemic issue causing the hives, needs more time and care to heal. With some time and Hubby’s return to a mostly pre-Whole30-lifestyle and diet, I found my itchy and uncomfortable reality terribly frustrating. My answer to those emotions was chocolate and wine…lots of wine.
What has my temper tantrum produced as result?
I’m now the not-so-proud driver of my old Yugo. (See earlier post) My guts are bloated. My belly is not happy with my life choices and gurgles with displeasure frequently. Inflammation is again evident in my hands, feet, knees…and my hives, in a matter of speaking—are pissed off.
This, my friends, is a true story—not a fairy tale.
I’ve been honest in everything I’ve shared about this experience. I want to keep that theme. The lifestyle that is the Whole30 is a fight against our current culture. It is not easy…not while you’re doing it—and not after.
Each person gets to decide if the lifestyle is what they want for themselves and to what degree. It is going to be worth it for some…and not for others. And both answers are the right answer.
Am I disappointed in myself for my last ten days? No. I’m done with that mind set. I am neither good nor bad because of what I eat. I look back and see only the success that was my Whole40. (If you will indulge my calling it that.) And I’ve learned from the results of my choices over the last ten days.
The beautiful thing is knowing I can do what it takes to feel great again—knowing that my Range Rover is just a sequence of consecutive choices away from being mine again.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön