I’m blowing the whistle. I’m done. I refuse to go into a new year without calling us out on this nonsense we have been so consumed with for too long. Before we celebrate in the coming days and welcome in a new year, I want to address this. I have decided to go ahead and hand out some unconventional (and unsolicited) Christmas advice. This most definitely carries into New Years resolution advise as well.
It is my sincere hope this year you will give yourself a gift (I’ll get to what I think the gift should be in a moment). It is also my sincere hope that by putting this all down and sending it out into the world, it will be that much harder for me to ignore my own advise.
To preface, I realize the Christmas spirit is all about giving and loving others. I in no way mean to diminish this sentiment. However, this Christmas I hope that those I care about will take the time and effort to be sure they put themselves on the list for receiving gifts and more importantly, receiving love.
I believe there has been a misunderstanding somewhere in the communication line. In the universal game of “telephone” the message was jumbled. Someone in the line misheard and as the message has been passed on, it has become more and more jumbled…further and further from the truth.
As a result, we are propagating the wrong message. We are telling ourselves we are not important enough, not worthy enough, not valid enough, not good enough. We have decided we don’t deserve to spend anything…specifically, time and energy, on our own peace and joy. We have somehow accepted this false message that states it is not alright to show love to ourselves.
As a woman, a mother, a friend, a member of our world…if I believe this message and act accordingly, I pass this false message on to my circle of influence…on to the next generation. Thus, the cycle continues. I want this to stop. It is causing pain and hurt and tears and fears, it’s wrong, and it’s robbing us all of love.
I am in constant awe of God’s blessing me with amazing people in my life. Specifically, I have been abundantly blessed with a circle of friends comprised of truly amazing women…brilliant, talented, brave, unique, courageous, beautiful women. Every time I hear one of them lament they are “not enough”, in any sense of the phrase, I don’t agree. I don’t understand how any one of them could possibly feel that way…because, with certainty, I KNOW it is not truth. Then I remember I say the same things in any number of ways about myself. I have written a little about this in previous posts, but I find I return to this subject because I feel so passionately about helping to promote a shift in our course. My heart aches as I watch us all propagate a false message. I want to do what I can to change this before my own children begin to believe this lie.
We have a choice. We can all work to correct this massive error.
It is a simple truth…all need to feel loved. It IS that simple. No one can grow, and contribute, and experience this world without love…not really. Perhaps a person can exist in the absence of love, but certainly not live, not like I believe we are meant to. It has been my experience that giving love to others is valued, but giving love to one’s self is vanity. This is a lie.
Vanity exists…certainly, but I believe it is almost always a byproduct of a lack of self-respect and self-love, not the result of it. It is the excessively vain who are in perpetual search of love from anyone and everyone…especially the world at large. The world at large, or any singular person for that matter, can never love you enough if you do not believe you are worthy enough to be loved.
I believe there is a key to solving this predicament. If you don’t possess this key, you cannot start healing nor begin perpetuating the correct message. But do not fear, the key is available to everyone. The key is this; the building block from which to start pursuing a life of joy, peace, and love must start with each one of us…individually…alone. Unconditional love of one’s self is the key.
We have to strip down the walls, the pretending and covering up, the compensating…and be real. We have to recognize we are all worth loving…ourselves. Not when you lose weight, not when you graduate, not when you make this or that or do this or that, not when you find the perfect partner, not when you are married, not when you get a promotion, bring in more money, have a better material life, not when you have children, not when your children are grown, not tomorrow, or next week, or next year…NOW.
P.S. – For the women in my life…I have something I want you to know. You are not your body. Your body is just where you are housed. So please stop equating your innate worthiness of being loved with the kind of real estate God put you in. One has nothing to do with the other.
You are enough just as you are…and you are the key to receiving the love you need. You are already worth…everything.
Whatever it is you need to do to learn how to love yourself, figure it out…and find a way to do it regularly. Make it a gift…of love…to yourself.
This Christmas, I plan to give myself this gift. I will unwrap the correct message that reads, YOU ARE ALREADY ENOUGH, and in astounding appreciation, I will cherish it. I will move into 2014 resolving to commit to practicing loving myself enough to seek out joy and peace wherever I can find it…no judgment, no limits or exclusions, just acceptance and love.
Who is with me?